10 people you find at Jummah

by Mozzified Staff

1) The Illegal Parker

So infamous, they had to be our number one. Whether they’ve double parked, parked in a “no parking” area, or blocked someone in, they have no shame. …Until they try to sneak away as the Imam announces that a red Toyota Camry is blocking the sister’s entrance. -_-

2) The Serial Texter

No judgement. Maybe they’re taking notes on the Khutbah? #make70excusesfirst

3) The LIFO

The LIFO, otherwise known as the “Last In, First Out.” The Imam hasn’t even said the second salam and this person is already halfway out the door.

4) The Out-loud Reciter

This person clearly never learned the art of whispering. Turn it down bro/sis, you’re messing up my salah flow.

5) The Squeezer

This person really takes ‘shoulder-to-shoulder’ to heart. That space in the row probably wouldn’t fit a toddler but this person finds a way to make it happen.

6) The Splits-Master

So maybe they’re a pro gymnast? Who knows? But their salah stance is so wide you could fit three people in between.

7) The Leaner(s)

Yes, plural. You’ll find them along the perimeter of the mosque, leaning on the walls with their legs straight out. Wherever you see a pillar, you’ll find a leaner there too.

8) The Fidgeter

Be it before, during, or after salah, you’ll find this person unable to not move! Concentrate, bro.

9) The Conversationalist

People may still be praying but this person can’t hold it in. They have so many “important” updates for you. Did you know Ali got married? Muhammad moved to New York! Syed’s aunt’s husband’s brother’s second wife’s little brother’s daughter had her third kid! Masha’Allah.

10) The Troopers

Aka the kids. You’ll find them running down the rows grabbing phones, wallets, purses, keys, and whatever else they can find. As soon as the adhan drops, they hush and that makes everything just fine.


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